Public Service Announcement

I recently had occasion to write with a group of teens. One of our subjects was “pet peeves.” I learned something—about what drives teenagers crazy about their parents and about what drives them crazy in general. Many of the general pet peeves surprised me in their universality between kids and adults.
So . . . if you’d like to improve your relationship with you teen, listen up. Here’s what they want you to know:
1. Topping the list of Make Me Crazy was one that surprised me but that was expressed vehemently and by almost every teen in the room. It was this: when you leave their room after entering to talk with them, leave the room the way you found it. As in CLOSE THE DOOR. COMPLETELY. TURN THE LIGHTS BACK OFF IF YOU TURNED THEM ON. Certainly don’t leave the door open all the way. Don’t even leave it open a tiny crack. Close it. Until the latch clicks. Thank you.
2. Stop criticizing them for sleeping and napping.
3. Stop saying, “Just stop doing ___________ .” All the kids expressed how hard it is to break a habit, even one they want to stop. “It’s just not that easy,” they said. Indeed, think about how hard it is for you to stop having that daily chai (just saying for a friend), stop biting your nails or some other “small” but steadfast practice.
4. Stop being late to pick them up. If you are late every time you go to get them, stop saying you’re sorry. Because, they said, you’re not or you’d quit being late.
5. Stop showing up early to get them and complaining about having to wait.
Another top-of-the-list annoyance was when we tell them dinner’s ready only have them come to the table to find us still cooking.
6. And, they said, please don’t compare them to siblings or friends.

As for living in the world in general, we agreed on a number of things:
1. A lot of general pet peeves fell under the category of things people do out of general lack of awareness—lolly gagging on the sidewalk or in the hallway in front of others who are trying to get somewhere, mouth noises including smacking food or gum, tapping of pencils or feet, or repeatedly kicking the back of someone’s chair.
2. Unsolicited advice. Enough said.
3. Globs of toothpaste in the sink. This one surprised me because this clearly does not bother the teens in my home.
4. Clothing that is too tight or requires too much re-arranging once it is put on.

And then there are my own personal issues:
1. Socks that start losing their elastic and s-l-o-w-l-y creep down my leg. Any bra I’m aware of once I put it on. Shirts with tight sleeves.
2. People who back into parking spaces. Seriously, it takes too long. Usually several back-and-forth and in-and-out of the space to get it in there just so while the rest of us sit there and wait. Just stop.
3. Rain or snow on my glasses. Or any other sort of smudge.
Hat head. Hats make my forehead itch, generally squeeze my head, make me claustrophobic, and smoosh my hair.
4. Men, please listen up! Put the toilet seat down.
5. When people (read kids) in my household take things and don’t return them or put items away in the wrong place. This includes scissors, tape, hot pads, the electronic lighter, my phone charging cord, measuring cups, measuring spoons, and other kitchen utensils.
6.Don’t use my bath towel or my beach towel. Use your own. I’m not good at sharing these.
7. When people in my household overfill the trash or recycling bin so stuff is tumbling over the back into the cabinet or onto the floor when I open the cabinet door instead of taking it out.
8. Dishes left in the sink when the dishwasher has dirty dishes in it. I do have to say the little sign on the dishwasher indicating Clean or Dirty has helped with this. My family’s pet peeve is when I forget to change the sign to Dirty and then get mad at them for putting dirty dishes on top of clean ones or for failing to put dirty ones in the dishwasher.
9. The WORST in terms of dishes left in the sink is waking up in the morning to a large pot in the sink full of cold water and congealed grease on the top. It makes me shiver to even start dealing with this. I’d rather find a pot with hardened food caked on the inside than cold, wet and greasy.

There’s a saying—“Don’t sweat the small stuff. It’s all small stuff.” I don’t think it’s true every annoyance we encounter in life is small stuff but pet peeves certainly are. Though they aren’t the big issues in life, they can loom large. Enough of them building up in a day’s time can set my teeth on edge and tip the tenor of my day. Try to be aware of mine and I’ll try to be aware of yours.

And remember, just say no to backing into parking spaces!

Photo by FuYong Hua on Unsplash